Sunday, 10 August 2014

Yalopy Magazine RIP

The Right Attitude
This week we celebrate Dion of the cla$$ic car world Yalopy magazine (1990-1994) (or thereabouts) We never got it here. The classic car establishment would never allow it. But through clandestine  relationships I cannot even now mention, copies where smuggled into New Zealand to be pored over.
However here at Bottom dweller, it was one of our greatest inspirations and we celebrate the spirit of Yalopy magazine in fine style with this fantastic selection of premium bottom dwellers
Next weeks wonders

1990 MG Montego
Arguably the best MG ever made. These machines provoke such envy at MG car club meets MGB owners won’t even speak to you. And you can see why, while MGs where a good car, MG was known to skimp on materials by giving their cars canvas roofs, something this gorgeous piece of fine British engineering doesn’t have. No wonder other owners get jealous, plus the superior styling (Jalopy magazine once suggested inspiration had been a shipping  container) and special non-gloss paint used on these cars (have you noticed all other MGs seems to be ridiculously shiny – how naff is that?) and special “B” thumping bumpers (which means you can bump an MGB up to 10km and not hurt the Montego! Again a really useful feature at MG car club dos)
For: It is an MG! Far more ‘character’ than most MGs
Against: the VW gearbox is the worst feature of the car and stopped it from fulfilling its potential as a total bottom dweller.
Bottom Dweller status: 1/5 Soon the MG owners will cotton on the delights of these cars so wont last long at this price (or any other price)

Do you ever those dreams where you turn up somewhere no wearing your pants? Hmm well this sort of reminds me that. This gorgeous British racing Green Morgan is once again for sale on trademe , apparently because of a timewaster!???! Quite honestly I’m at a loss to see why people wouldn’t pay for this car, I’m mean it’s a concept car isn’t it? I mean you’ve got to be philosophical about these things. After all what is the definition of ‘car’, what does it have to have, is it substance or is the thought more important, after all life is just an illusion why not so then  - the car?
For : No rust. And No.... sorry the thought escapes me.
Against: Ever since the arts council turned me down for my kinectic installation: "Space between two voids"...
About as reliable as any other English car
Bottom Dweller Status; 2/5 Unlike most Morgans a bit out of our league.
Austin Allegro
Really a badge engineered  Ashton Martin, this superb example will have many bottom dwellers drooling at the mouth. Resplendent in a fine coat of New Zealand racing orange (and just waiting of a spray can of matt black on the bonnet) this masterpiece is ripe for a podium place at the Elerslie Concours this year. A genuine nut and bolt restoration this should have those Porsche and Ferrari types quivering in their boots.
For; When compared to a Lada its’s a great argument for communism.
Against: Such outrageous displays of opulence and style go against the grain these days. Just look at that dash! That centre dial! How original instead of cluttering up and overloading the driver with sensless information the inspired designers of this superbly built machine have left it blank!
Bottom Dweller Status: 8/5 something for all of us to aspire too!

Goggomobile T250
Overpowered  and over here! This competitor to the AC Cobra will leave everything else stirring in its wake! Superb styling around the rear engine vents and almost a hint of a fastback (round the rear window) will leave many Porsche owners frothing at the mouth! And with good reason! With the same basic configuration as a Porsche this sleek bespoke design is a bit out of their league. Still you might like to buy a 911 as a spares car as I believe the wingnuts on the parcel tray mountings are the same as these and it’s always good to have spares (these being the only weakness of this otherwise excellent design)
For: Won’t need restoring.
Against: Goggos from the land of Gog have largely been persecuted out of existence. Therefore driving one of their cars can be seen by some, as some what insensitive. Plus I notice the second bar on the grill of the Austin truck that comes with it, seems a bit rusty.
Bottom dweller status: 3/5  Bidding about to go silly.

1960 Skoda T-55
One of the last of the great Skodas before the VW takeover and synchromesh. Great for playing tricks on your Act party neighbours this gorgeous wee car is the perfect centrepiece for any revolution. Fantastic for solving those niggley little  problems with the neigbs. And if it gets out of hand you can just smooth things over...literally; their house, their car... great for one upmanship or chasing the sisters in law down the road. Plus at the drags in a quarter mile sprint  you can usually pop them off before they reach the other end .Few other cars give such a superb sense of unfettled power.
For; reclaim your manhood.
Against; Try justifying this at your men’s group! Also soldiers will want to be your friend, after all you have a real one!
Bottom Dweller Status: 0/5 With something like this, its all too easy to become a top dweller!